How To Poop At Work

[TOMKAIRA93]

LOL...my favorite subject...j/k....man, I've been crop dusting my offices for 10 years now and dumping almost every day. It's a ritual, it's a break from work and nap time as well, study time and game time. How can you not take a dump at work?

[Evil240]

all this isnt too bad. In my department, we have this one guy who never washes his hands. NEVER. i've seen him walk out of a stall (taking a crap) and right back to work. seen him zip up from the urinal and walk right out. i was subtle at first... by emailing proper restroom hygiene to everyone in my deptarment, but it didnt even phase him. He never skipped a beat... kept walking out. pretty much all the guys in my department have now noticed, and i even make it simple. While in convo, i will state something like... "dude... thats disgusting... thats as bad as taking a shit and not washing your hands after".. fugg.. doesnt make a difference, he still doesnt wash them hands!!!!

[projekt_s13]

Damn turd burglers, dont you hate when you have to tug-o-war with door. You always have to shout "WTF!!".

[cgtdream]

lol, funniest thread evar

[Grendel]

Originally Posted by Evil240

all this isnt too bad. In my department, we have this one guy who never washes his hands. NEVER. i've seen him walk out of a stall (taking a crap) and right back to work. seen him zip up from the urinal and walk right out. i was subtle at first... by emailing proper restroom hygiene to everyone in my deptarment, but it didnt even phase him. He never skipped a beat... kept walking out. pretty much all the guys in my department have now noticed, and i even make it simple. While in convo, i will state something like... "dude... thats disgusting... thats as bad as taking a shit and not washing your hands after".. fugg.. doesnt make a difference, he still doesnt wash them hands!!!!

Seems like 90% of the guys in my shop walk out after pissing without washing their hands... it is pretty nasty.

Haven't seen anyone walk out after shitting without washing though...

[speedstar01]

Originally Posted by eastcoastS14

hahah i think i would die laughing if i ever came into a bathroom and heard tetris music coming from a stall

lol that happened to me once when i was really getting into a game of tetris and forgot to turn the music down the guy who walked in and heard me asked

"are you....playing video games in there???"

i quickly silenced my gameboy DS and responded

"haha what? no! what are you talking about?" sneaky sneaky

+1 for DS-DUMPERS!!!!

[Andrew Bohan]

one time i was at a tkd tournament, and my teammate and i both had to shit at the same time, so we went in bathroom and picked the two stalls furthest away from each other.

after a minute i hear "beep beep booo bamp beep beeep"

and i said "dude are you playing video games?"

and he said "yep"

no shame...




then another time i was at paddy's with some friends getting coffee, and after 3 huge free coffees i had to take what felt like 3 huge shits. so the guy there let me into the ladies room (place was closed anyway) and i grabbed a stall and had the most foul smelling shit ever.

i finished and right as i was about to open the stall door, a lady walked in, and grabbed the stall right next to me (out of like 5 stalls). she peed and i could hear it well. i wonder if she could smell me. i had to wait in there forever while she finished and then washed her hands, checked her makeup, whatever else they do. seemed like forever. then i had to wait some more to make sure she was looooong gone when i came out. that sucked

[ALTRNTV]

Funny how only dudes responded to this thread. Hahahaha

[S13-Silvia]

Single toilet at my work. All I gots to worry about is putting toilet paper on the seat as a toilet seat cover. Same time every day.

[eastcoastS14]

Originally Posted by Evil240

all this isnt too bad. In my department, we have this one guy who never washes his hands. NEVER. i've seen him walk out of a stall (taking a crap) and right back to work. seen him zip up from the urinal and walk right out. i was subtle at first... by emailing proper restroom hygiene to everyone in my deptarment, but it didnt even phase him. He never skipped a beat... kept walking out. pretty much all the guys in my department have now noticed, and i even make it simple. While in convo, i will state something like... "dude... thats disgusting... thats as bad as taking a shit and not washing your hands after".. fugg.. doesnt make a difference, he still doesnt wash them hands!!!!

hahaha thats fuckin nasty....dont shake that dudes hand lol

[speedstar01]

^^^ or have thumb wars with that individual....no matter how boring work gets!

[ctm_motortrends]

Holy Shit this is funny as hell. Thank you for posting this I laughing so hard I'm crying.

[Mathetai]

I was guilty of turd burglaring like 5 minutes ago LOL. This fool should have locked the door!

[EAS13]

I worked at this one place where every so often, you'd walk into the stall and there'd be a turd behind the toilet.... Just to be clear, it would be laying on the floor in the space between the wall and the toilet base.

Aside from the fact that no one could figure out who was doing it, we were all kinda curious how the person managed it. I mean physically it would take some serious gyrations and pooping force to get a turd down in there. You'd have to lean and angle yourself perfectly and then fire the turd out with a perfect trajectory....anyway, you see the point.... So either the guy was a pooping genius or he was grabbing the turd and moving it.

Also, I hate side by side stalls, I like a nice isolated stall, )preferably handicapped for maxium comfort).. I was in some ghetto, narrow assed stall once and someone reached over and grabbed my foot. I was like WTF!!! The guy just laughed. Needless to say, I finished my business and got the F out of there. I mean normally, actions like that require retaliation. But when you're dealing with turds, I think it's safer to just evacuate the area.

[axiomatik]

god, I hope you washed your foot too. The responses to this thread are funnier than the original post (maybe cuz this list is at least ten years old)

[thatdrifterguy]

gotta add this.

CLAPPER: subtle claps. used for similar situations as the astaire and camo cough

that way, for loOoOong havanna omelets, its best to do the courtesy flush, camo cough, ultra astaire, and the clapper

try it, it works lol

[speedstar01]

Originally Posted by EAS13

I worked at this one place where every so often, you'd walk into the stall and there'd be a turd behind the toilet.... Just to be clear, it would be laying on the floor in the space between the wall and the toilet base.

Aside from the fact that no one could figure out who was doing it, we were all kinda curious how the person managed it. I mean physically it would take some serious gyrations and pooping force to get a turd down in there. You'd have to lean and angle yourself perfectly and then fire the turd out with a perfect trajectory....anyway, you see the point.... So either the guy was a pooping genius or he was grabbing the turd and moving it.

Also, I hate side by side stalls, I like a nice isolated stall, )preferably handicapped for maxium comfort).. I was in some ghetto, narrow assed stall once and someone reached over and grabbed my foot. I was like WTF!!! The guy just laughed. Needless to say, I finished my business and got the F out of there. I mean normally, actions like that require retaliation. But when you're dealing with turds, I think it's safer to just evacuate the area.

holy shit ballz! if a guy grabbed my foot while pooping in a narrow ass stall i would have ZERO inspiration to finish the poop. and as for the pooping genius dropping crazy impossible loads behind toilets......thats just messed up

more poop stories i look foward to reading this thread everyday and then pooping on it! buwahahaha.....lame, yes

[Evil240]

Originally Posted by eastcoastS14

hahaha thats fuckin nasty....dont shake that dudes hand lol

its not just the hand shaking... fugg! half the office doesnt even want to be around/near the dirty foo. what makes it worse is, right after pooping.. (and not washing his hands). he will sit as his desk, and proceed to stuff his face full of junk food. The worse part is he smacks his lips when he eats... LOUD too. its fuggin horrible. The staff and I are just thinking.. "man.. he must really like eating his own fecal matter".

it just really disturbs me that when he finishes at the urinal/toilet... that he can see us... freaking makes eye contact.. and still have the nerve to walk right out. (im usually washing my hands when he is walking out).

DISTURBING!!!!!

ON A SIDE NOTE... I think i might quit this job.... anyone want to go work at U.S. Customs and Immigration with me? hahahaha we can take of the parking lots with silvias

[axiomatik]

Originally Posted by speedstar01

......
more poop stories i look foward to reading this thread everyday and then pooping on it! buwahahaha.....lame, yes

lol, Triumph approves of this thread.


As an aside, while searching for a pic of Triumph, I found this picture:

[speedstar01]

^^ omg just the pic i was looking for! +1 for you i like the conin skit with the Star Wars nerds (im a star wars fan) but i dont take it that far

[ctm_motortrends]

Originally Posted by EAS13

I worked at this one place where every so often, you'd walk into the stall and there'd be a turd behind the toilet.... Just to be clear, it would be laying on the floor in the space between the wall and the toilet base.

Aside from the fact that no one could figure out who was doing it, we were all kinda curious how the person managed it. I mean physically it would take some serious gyrations and pooping force to get a turd down in there. You'd have to lean and angle yourself perfectly and then fire the turd out with a perfect trajectory....anyway, you see the point.... So either the guy was a pooping genius or he was grabbing the turd and moving it.

Also, I hate side by side stalls, I like a nice isolated stall, )preferably handicapped for maxium comfort).. I was in some ghetto, narrow assed stall once and someone reached over and grabbed my foot. I was like WTF!!! The guy just laughed. Needless to say, I finished my business and got the F out of there. I mean normally, actions like that require retaliation. But when you're dealing with turds, I think it's safer to just evacuate the area.

+1 Green you made me cry again. That's the funniest shit ever..

[Farzam]

Taking dumps in my apartment rocks cause it already smells like sweat and cabbage so noone's to blame.

[S14Josh]

This thread is great!
I always take a shit at work about the same time everyday, and when i do there is always a turd burglar on the prowl. The bathroom i use is a single toilet room but when someone tries to open the door it echoes really loud inside the room.

I kept getting owned by the same person day after day, so i just waited till i knew the culprit was inside making brown, then i grabbed the door handle and shook that door like there was no tomorrow. All i heard after that was "Ah FUCK! Damnit.........son of a bitch"

Another quick story, we have this guy at my dealership who kicks doors open because he doesnt want to touch them with his hands. Literally this guy walks around kicking doors like he was bred to be door kicking machine. I was downstairs in the main bathroom taking a poop and all of the sudden *BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM* the stall door goes flying open and he walks in. I go "OH NO!" and he stops in the doorway, turns around, and walks out without saying a word. Worst part about it is he didnt even have the decency to close the door he just blasted his foot through. I had to waddle over to the door with my pants around my ankles and shut the door.

[SRpetey]

I used to hate taking a dumps at work until I found a one restroom in the lower level with a lock and a light out side to indicate that it's in use.

It feels like heaven until the light goes out since no movement is bieng detected. Then I find myself taking a dump in the dark. If I have an extra roll of toilet paper I'll throw it across the room to turn the light back on.

[Evil240]

^^thats fuggin hilarious.... hahahaha... just tie it to your belt and swing the toilet paper near the sensor!

I'm glad to see my POOP thread was such a big hit. Thanks for all the posi reps guys! I think about these everytime I'm blowing mud in the crapper. Some of these storries are awesome. Especially the one where the guy loafed it in back of the toilet. Brilliant! Nothing beats crapping in the sink at the Starbucks in AnaCRIME right near the "Big A"