Cancer Sucks

[Dream240]

I'm just gonna spill my guts for a minute.....

Well, I just got back from the doctor's office and I have to have another surgery to remove some residual tumor.

I was diagnosed with testicular cancer about 9 months ago and went through one surgery and 12 weeks of chemotherapy only to have to do another surgery that will have about 6 weeks of recovery. The doctor's say i'm cured, so then why doesn't it feel like it? This is something that I'll always be fighting until the day I die I guess.

Sometimes life can really suck...I mean one day you're out running 3 miles a day, lifting weights, playing football, fixing up cars just living life like every other normal person.... and then you make a visit to the doctor and end up leaving with the worst news a person could get.

The hardest part of this whole thing hasn't been the cancer, but more dealing with the fact that I'm only a mortal man and someday I will die. See I'm only 26 and I've always been a very optimistic person, when I lost a job or a relationship ended, I would tell myself that everything happens for a reason and God has a plan. But after today...I gotta say I feel that my optimism is all used up. I mean where does thinking poisitive really get people these days? Is it just a self imposed illusion that helps us sleep better at night? When all the signs point to distaster and hardship....why do we keep telling ourselves "everything's gonna be okay" that's the first thing my girlfriend said when I told her. Is that like the socially acceptable conditioned response of the universe or what? That's all I keep hearing from family, doctors, friends, everyone. So who knows.....

This whole thing has been a very unique experience that I can truly say has changed my perspective on life....I've come to appreciate the runs I take in the afternoons, I walk on the pier and just stare at the water and marvel at how beautiful this world really is. So my advice I can give to anyone who listens is treasure every day and don't put off to tomorrow what you should be doing today, cause tomorrow your life could change forever....

[goodjuan]

I consider myself someone who's very positive as well.

But sometimes i just sit and wonder where the hell it's coming from.

Things can get hard and suddenly you realize you keep telling yourself things will get better...and it can seem like the only purpose it serves is to prolong pain. Do you ever wish you weren't so optomistic?

I mean for some reason I see a purpose for life, so dammit i'm gonna live it. I've never seen the grand canyon...i'd like to someday. I make my gf happy. What else could be a better purpose for someone's life?

If anything about your experience, your new prespective seems to be a great thing. I can't even imagine...

So you've made it this far, some people don't! Everything is an experience.

Thanks for sharing that with us.

ps: if you like movies, have you ever seen Ikiru by Akira Kurosawa? I think it may be right up your alley.

http://www.atomicbombcinema.com/english/images/stills/still_ikiru.jpg

[AlligatorBling]

Yes, life can be very taxing my friend. We all have our own "green miles" to walk... I have dealt with many, many trials and tribulations in my life. I see others every day as well dealing with them for the fact that im working in the medical field. I work with a lot of people that are really bad off for various reasons, ive seen people that are 54 and look 84. All we have is hope my friend. If you lose hope, you lose everything. Without hope you have nothing. I could tell my stories of what has happened to me, but thats not what you need to hear. What you need to hear is that life is 1% what happens to you, and 99% how you take it. Live each day for what its worth. Whats it worth? Its worth that day, not yesterday, and not tomorrow. Like you say, treasure every day. Also, never lose hope.

[EH9]

Comment removed.

[Dream240]

I guess one good thing is if it weren't for my cancer, I would never have met my girlfriend. She's the best thing that's happened to me. And after two failed marriages I can honestly say I've been down the wrong road, and now I better appreciate someone like her. She's really what's keeping me sane these past months.

I'll keep on truckin....I guess I have to, I mean what else am I gonna do? I sure as hell want to have kids and grow old. Be able to tell my grandkids about how it was like back in the year 2000....laugh about weird things like Hollywood hype, michael jackson, T.V. sets that came without remotes, and CD players.

Thanks guys. I appreciate the support.

[AlligatorBling]

Be able to tell my grandkids about how it was like back in the year 2000....laugh about weird things like Hollywood hype, michael jackson, T.V. sets that came without remotes, and CD players.


Back in my day, a lot of us had 56K connection, it took us a whole ten mins to download a song!

[old_s13]

I'll keep on truckin....I guess I have to, I mean what else am I gonna do?

Interesting side-note, one of my favorite songs by Eddie Kendricks was playing as you said the above ... the song is called "Keep on Truckin" .. check it out if you like old soul music from the `70s.

One of my favorite movies, Zorba the Greek.. Zorba says

"Life IS trouble, only death is not. To be a man is to undo your pants and LOOK for trouble."

Yeah, there are many ways to read into that quote.. but the reality is, many people think life should be good, perfect, healthy, happy.. but thats not really living, is it? Living life to its fullest means everything, laughing, crying, smelling, farting, eating, starving.. and dying. If you dont experience all of these things, you're missing out.

So, have fun while you're here.. because I know I am. Not saying this directly to you, I say this for everyone.. because death is a part of life, and we're all headed that way sooner or later. What will we get to experience along the way? That, is a mystery.. but I know I am going to live life to the fullest.

Food for thought, I changed my mentality years ago. I used to be a work-a-holic and really wanted everything to be good, you know.. life being "good" as we all imagine it to be. Then one day, a small airplane crashed EXACTLY one block over from my apartment. I could have been home jerking off, or I could have been home working.. regardless of what I *could* have been doing, that airplane could have easily skipped a block and gone into my apartment, killing me. Parents tell their children "dont go out its dangerous" but is it really? Scary when you think about it, because death can hit you ANYWHERE you are in life. Will we die from a plane, from cancer? From starvation? Who cares. The more we stress and worry about it will only make it worse. Put it aside and live your life to the fullest, because we all know stressing wont change a damn thing.. just make it worse.

I believe life's worse diseases come from stress.. drop it and live life. Sorry to hear the unfortunate news though... . . . . . .

[MakotoS13]

a few years ago i found a lump on my right testicle. freaked me out like mad. i was reseraching the hell out of testicular defects and eventually got an doctor's opinion. apparently it's just a cyst and remains there to this day.

"On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero... I don't wanna die without any scars... Without pain, without sacrifice, we would have nothing... And then, something happened. I let go. Lost in oblivion. Dark and silent and complete. I found freedom. Losing all hope was freedom."

stuff like that is what we need to keep our feet on the ground and eyes to the sky.

that's why i am who i am. life is much too short to play nice to save face all the time.

[Var]

Is it just a self imposed illusion that helps us sleep better at night?

Afraid so partner. that's a part of living life. If you were to honestly sit there and worry about all things that are wrong/going to go wrong/might go wrong, you really wouldnt be able to sleep at night. Coming from me, i know it's easier to say but you just gotta play the cards that dealt to you. Havent you guys ever sat there and thought about the future and what things could go wrong. Wonder about the day you will lose a loved one(or maybe you already have). I have and i'm sure you have too, but you tell yourself everything will be ok just to sleep better.

In the grand scheme of life on earth, we are never in control and sometime it seems like the powers above have a sick sense of humor. Ironically it is the certainty of death that sometimes helps to comfort your thoughts. not saying i want to die, but knowing that I WILL die honestly comforts me sometimes. In fact i'd rather die than to live through losing my parents. Either one is inevitable and sad but FUCK IT. At least i can get a good night's sleep tonite.

[Var]

and yes cancer does suck

[blu808]

Sorry to hear about this. Everything does happen for a reason, and im sure you will be a much stronger person with a new outlook and appreaciation for life when this is all over. I know that i did when my sister beat cancer.

good luck man

[chlatboy]

SUx to hear Dream! But hey we've all had bad days. Just gotta keep being optimistic. Life has its ups and downs but i guess you gotta learn to deal. Besides, you met ur girl and your part of the zilvia forums! U know we got yo back!!!! :bigok:

[drift freaq]

My heart is there for you dream
having lost my mom to cancer 13 years ago and having my dad develop a rare cancer that the doctor successfully removed and my dad is 77 by the way. I can say that I learned long ago to take life as it comes . I lost one of my best friends to a motorcycle crash 5 years ago as well . He died on sloat blvd all you San Francisco members know that road . He got cut off by a lady that pulled a u turn in front of him. I could be here today and gone tomorrow . I have learned to live life one day at a time. I also have learned to accept ups and downs in life as life experiences . If my life was smooth peaceful and uneventful I would not learn jack shit. Thankfully its not.
I have good times I have bad times I have joy and sadness and I grow from each experience. Hang in there Dream you have know grown immensely from your experience do not let it defeat you.
Be grateful and move on. There but for the grace of god go I. I have always loved that statement. When I see the drunks in the gutter I don't feel half as bad as off . Your a lucky man even if you do not feel it now.

[holisticbeatz]

I should quit smoking.

[Dream240]

Thanks guys, I really appreciate all the comments. And trust me, I'm not going to let this beat me up. I'm feeling alot better today than I was yesterday. Really put things into perspective. It helps sometimes when you sleep on it.....

And yes I'm the luckiest man alive to have my girl.....and own a 240!!! :)

Plus you know, the doctor put it this way.....testicular cancer is really the best cancer to get if your going to get any cancer. I know it sounds weird but, (trust me I looked at him like :wtf: ) that really made me feel alot better. He says that the cure rate is one of the highest there is.

Your right westboroughpimp, we do need the saying "everythings going to be alright" cause if we didn't think that way, I bet this worlds suicide rate would be alot higher!!

Thanks again guys....