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09-14-2009, 11:35 PM | #1 |
Leaky Injector
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Chihuahua, Mexico
Age: 37
Posts: 127
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Men Rules
I got a mail from a friend a few days ago and i just wanted to share it with you guys...it's funny as hell. Sorry for the bad english, i have to translate the entire text!
We allways listen about the rules from the feminine side! But now here are the rules from the men's side! THIS ARE OUR RULES! All of them have the number "1" on purpose! 1. We DON'T read minds 1. Learn how to handle the toilet... you are big enough. If it's up... just put it down! We need it up and you need it. You'll never hear us complaining about being down. 1. Weekend's are sporty, like the full moon or the sea...just let it be 1. Shopping it's NOT an sport! and no, we'll never change our mind 1. Crying is blackmail 1. Say clearly what you want,: Subtle suggestions don't work! Firm suggestions don't work! Obvious suggestions don't work! Just say it!! 1. Yes or No are perfectly aceptable answers for almost any question 1. Come to us with a problem only if you need help to fix it. Thats what we do. Simpathy find it with your friends...thats what they are for 1. Everything said 6 months ago is unaceptable as argument. In fact, everithing said 7 days ago is inadmissible as argument 1. If you think you are fat, proably you are. Don't ask 1. If something we say can be interpreted on 2 ways, and one of them makes you sad or angry, we don't mean that one, we mean the other one. 1. You can ask us to do something and tell us how you want it. But not how to do it. If you know how to do it, do it yourself. 1. If it's possible, say what you want, only in the commercial breaks. 1. Christopher Colombus DON'T need directions to get here, no mans needs it. 1. EVERY man see only 16 colors, like the colors in the computers. Peach, for example, it's a fruit not a color. Grape its a fruit too. We don't know what Fiusha is! 1. If we got itching, we scratch ourselves. as simple as that. 1. If we ask what it's wrong and you say "Nothing", we'll act like nothing bad hapend. We know you are lying, but it doesn't worth discussing about it. 1. If you ask something you don't want to listen, expect and answer you don't want to listen. 1. When we go out, absolutely anything you put it's fine with us... REALLY!! 1. Don't ask what we are thinking unless you are prepared to talk about NFL, MLS, Golf, SR20's or cars! 1. You got to many clothes.. 1. You got to many shoes. 1. I'm in shape... Round it's a shape too!!! 1. Thank for reading this. I know... i'll sleep on the couch tonight... But you know what? we don't care, is like going camping! |
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09-14-2009, 11:42 PM | #2 |
Post Whore!
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I like the translations
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09-14-2009, 11:50 PM | #4 |
Post Whore!
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No, I like how different languages translate from one to the other.
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09-15-2009, 12:05 AM | #5 | |
Post Whore!
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Where ever there is free beer
Posts: 3,239
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I can't help but read those in a silly russian accent lol. But yes, those rules are very true.
This little gem though I lol'd Quote:
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09-15-2009, 12:13 AM | #6 | |
not giving a fuck
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Los angeles
Age: 37
Posts: 15,077
Trader Rating: (104)
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i say these r more important
Quote:
yea i went there
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LOL 240... whats better than 1? 5 1's ...lol PSN & XBL GT : Wh0pp3r68 CLUB LEXUS : Wh0pp3r |
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09-15-2009, 12:56 AM | #7 |
Post Whore!
Join Date: May 2006
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 9,135
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Haha, enjoyable reads. Steve's were better.
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09-15-2009, 03:44 AM | #8 |
Post Whore!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: M-A-R-S... MARS BITCHES
Age: 41
Posts: 5,065
Trader Rating: (35)
Feedback Score: 35 reviews
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Honestly, I have never thought about the whole toilet seat thing like that. I never really cared. If it's down put it up, even if there is no woman around, who wants to take a shit on a piss splattered seat? But then that rule makes complete logical sense, and women should not complain about it.
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09-15-2009, 07:34 PM | #11 |
Post Whore!
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Hahaha. I'll fart when my girl is under the covers. LMAO!
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09-15-2009, 10:36 PM | #12 | |
Nissanaholic!
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Quote:
she wont be your GF for long if you keep that up. lmao
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^^another person learns the perils of "stupid posting" on zilvia, too bad none will care. |
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09-15-2009, 10:46 PM | #13 |
Post Whore!
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lol... its not sick at all. It hilarious, hahaha. I'll bust a family guy and pin her down under there! I don't brag about it.. but i've been with this broad for six looonng years. And don't think I do it often. I've only done it twice a long time ago.
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09-15-2009, 11:41 PM | #14 |
not giving a fuck
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Los angeles
Age: 37
Posts: 15,077
Trader Rating: (104)
Feedback Score: 104 reviews
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so easy lay without comitment...sounds like win win, release gas and free ass
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LOL 240... whats better than 1? 5 1's ...lol PSN & XBL GT : Wh0pp3r68 CLUB LEXUS : Wh0pp3r |
09-15-2009, 11:43 PM | #15 |
Post Whore!
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Amen! lol
msglth |
09-16-2009, 01:21 AM | #18 |
Post Whore!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: M-A-R-S... MARS BITCHES
Age: 41
Posts: 5,065
Trader Rating: (35)
Feedback Score: 35 reviews
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There should be a rule on there that says,
you may fart around your girlfriend but alowing your girlfriend to fart around you is not acceptable. Atleast not with me. I don't know if I am alone on this one, but I accepting the fact that woman fart and shit and all that, but I don't want to have to face it on the daily. It may seem childish, but I think once you let a woman fart around you openly, then the next thing she will do is ask to take a shit in the bathroom while your shaving or brushing your teeth. |
09-16-2009, 03:43 PM | #19 |
Nissanaholic!
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: DC Metro Area
Posts: 1,655
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This is somewhat related and while not exactly funny, I still liked. I do not have kids, but I still relate to some of this shit from a marital standpoint. Taken from here:
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best...209237294.html My wife asks, "what do I want for Father's Day?" Nice fucking question. My answer: fuck Father's Day. How about, every day: --a little respect for the one who has to go out and bust his ass earning the money every day, taking risks and making tough decisions, then come home and raise the children because you collapse in front of the TV as soon as I come through the door (sure, I'll order dinner, AGAIN). --not expecting me to raise you; you're an adult, complain to your fucking girlfriends instead of me and let me spend that time with the kids. They need my time more than you need my time. For fuck's sake, don't interrupt me when I'm with the kids (especially when I'm helping with their homework, god-almighty) crying with some bullshit about your best friend being a bitch. She IS a bitch, get over it. --respecting the role that the man of the house plays (or should play): telling the kids the dog is dead, unclogging the toilet, doing the yardwork in 95 degree weather, holding the kid when the doctor sticks a huge fucking needle in him, bailing out the daughter at 2 am when her car breaks down, going to see the principal when there's trouble at school, trying to keep us out of hock and in our home. Doing all the dirty work that you can't or won't do. --giving me five fucking minutes of my own time, just to read the goddamn newspaper. Yes, I'm ignoring you, take a hint. --respecting the man who is household CFO by clipping fucking coupons, getting your hair cut at the mall instead of the fucking salon, making coffee instead of buying it at some overpriced cafe, wearing each piece of clothing more than three times, and not buying tons of shit online because you're depressed. We have no savings, barely making the mortgage, the 401K is bust, and retirement is closer than you think. We also need to teach our kids that you don't buy shit to solve your problems and that you can be happy without spending a lot of money. That's important, because more than likely our kids are not going to make six figures right out of school. And even if they did--money doesn't buy happiness (duh). --teaching the kids to respect me by not fucking badmouthing me to them (yes, they tell me) and backing me up when I make a decision (you could make a decision every once in a while too, you know). --teaching the kids to respect you by not acting like a fucking idiot, not letting them walk all over you, not letting them eat shit and sit in front of the TV all day. --respecting the one who has to be every day the one with balls, drive, who has to be strong for the kids, set a good example, leave work for games and recitals when shit is going crazy at work, help the kids when they screw up, cheer for them when they do good, hold them when they cry, talk them through the disappointments, sacrifice everything for the kids when the chips are down, and never regrets it for even one second, because he loves them with an intensity that has no equal. So: no fucking tie, cologne, golf balls, or any of that shit. You know what I want on Father's Day? I want a card from the kids. I want to spend the whole day, uninterrupted, with them. Doing whatever. Maybe make some sandwiches and bike down to the river for a picnic. Take a frisbee and just hang out for the day. That would be great. As for you, do whatever the fuck you want on Father's Day, but please for one day don't spend a ton of fucking money, stab me in the back, or undercut me as I try to lead this family. Maybe you can have your friend the bitch over for coffee while I take the kids out (you can make coffee at home you know, we have ground coffee and a coffee maker, I use it every day, you don't have to go to fucking Starbuck's and spend $20). And don't call me, my cell will be off. And at the end of the day, I'd like to turn on the game, and raise a beer to all the good dads out there, the ones who are strong, live up to their responsibilities, kick ass or take a bullet for their kids when they have to, love their kids without limits, and manage to raise them with or without the help of a functioning co-parent. You guys rock. The rest of you dads: fuck you. Thank you. Dad |
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